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Stress and Grief

Coping with grief

"The best thing you can do to support a loved one or colleague through a disaster such as the Victorian bushfire crisis is to be there for them. If they want to talk, let them talk. If they want to be silent, let them be silent. A GP, psychologist or counsellor can also help." Dr Christine Bennett, Bupa Australia's Chief Medical Officer.

How can I support loved ones or colleagues affected by the bushfire disaster?

The fires were highly traumatic and can lead to a sense of disbelief and disconnection from normal everyday life.

People who have been displaced will need simple and accurate information on how their basic needs can be met such as food, shelter and medical assistance.

Some people will need to talk about their experiences, share their emotions and need to be listened to in a way that encourages them to disclose as little or as much as they wish. Others may not want to talk at all and this is OK. Do not press people to talk. Instil hope and confidence.

Some people may need psychological support in the weeks or months after the event, especially people who are highly anxious or distressed and these feelings are interfering with their relationships or daily life.

How do I help my children?

Wherever possible, try to keep families together. Keep children with their parents or family. Provide information and necessities to help families stay together.

Young children may not verbalise their feelings and experiences but may let people know how they are feeling through their behaviour, drawings and play.

Babies and children are very intuitive and will detect emotions from those around them. So if they are unsettled or clingy, support them accordingly.

Encourage parents to talk to their children and answer their questions but not push them to talk.

How might people react to situations like the bushfire crisis?

Everyone reacts differently. Some react immediately while others reactions may be delayed. People can feel vulnerable and helpless. Reassure them that they are safe. Some may appear snappy, angry, anxious or tearful.

You can help by listening if someone wants to talk. Don't play down the event or suggest that they should forget it or pretend it didn't happen. Ask them how you can be most helpful. Remember that it takes time to heal and readjust to a new environment or situation. Offer as much support as they need as this will aid their recovery.

What is stress?

Stress is a process not a diagnosis. We feel stressed when there is an imbalance between the demands made on us and our ability to cope with those demands. Stress can cause psychological and physical symptoms such as poor sleep, irritability, anxiety or nausea.

In times of extreme stress, people may tremble, hyperventilate (breathe faster than normal) or even vomit. People who are stressed may be angry, depressed, anxious, behave irrationally, be unable to concentrate or turn to drugs, smoking or drinking to help them cope.

Those affected may be excessively tired yet unable to sleep, have aches and pains, have heart palpitations, feel sick or have diarrhoea.

What is grief?

Grief is our response to loss. Everyone experiences grief differently because our reaction depends on a range of individual factors, such as our personality and age, our relationship with the deceased, cultural practices, the level of social support and our spiritual beliefs. Grief includes a wide range of emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

However, it doesn't help to think that grief will always happen in a particular order, which everyone moves through in a predictable way.

People affected by the bush fires may experience a period of grieving in the days, weeks and months after the bushfire tragedy.

The stages of grief

There is no single way to grieve. Everyone is different and each person handles their emotions in his or her own way. However, some stages of grief are commonly experienced by people. There is no set timescale for reaching these stages, but it can help to know that intense emotions and swift changes in mood are normal. The stages of grief aren't distinct, and there is usually some overlap between them. Grief can also cause physical reactions including sleeplessness, loss of energy and loss of appetite.

Feeling emotionally numb is often the first reaction to a loss. This may last for a few hours, days or longer. In some ways, this numbness can help you get through the practical arrangements and family pressures that surround say a funeral, but if this phase goes on for too long it can become a problem.

Numbness may be replaced by a deep yearning for life to return to what it was prior to the traumatic experience. For those who have lost loved ones, they may yearn for the person who has died.

Affected persons may feel agitated or angry, and find it difficult to concentrate, relax or sleep. They may also feel guilty. Those who were able to save their homes from the fires may feel guilty that their home remains, while others have lost everything. For those people who have lost loved ones, they may dwell on arguments that they had with their loved one, or on emotions and words that they wish they had expressed.

This period of strong emotion usually gives way to bouts of intense sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. During this time, individuals may be prone to sudden outbursts of tears, which may be set off by reminders and memories of the dead person. Over time, the pain and sadness lessens.

The final phase of grieving is to let go of the loss that has been experienced, and begin to move on with life, though it may not be exactly the same as it was before.